Practiced Dysfunction???

I was doing some research on a critical thinking course I was getting ready to teach, and I came across the phrase “practiced dysfunction.” As I read more about it, it hit me that most of us fall prey to practiced dysfunction some of the time. It looks kind of like this: You go to a meeting and plan to speak up about a topic you’re quite interested in or concerned about. Meeting starts, you begin to speak, and either someone you report to or the typically loud member on your team starts to argue or cut you off or jump in and change the topic. You tell yourself, “why bother,” and remind yourself it always happens this way in this meeting at this place. You resign yourself to the misery or aggravation, and probably talk yourself out of speaking out at the next meeting (unless you’re a masochist that is). You are practicing “practiced dysfunction.” We create such strong habitual thinking that we never try to get out of this particular mind trap; we always behave the same way when the same set of circumstances occur.

Another example: Let’s say I received a bonus or unexpected income or something that should make me feel flush, ready to spend some money and stimulate the economy. Only when I actually start to spend something (and I’m sure I must truly deserve whatever I’m getting ready to buy) I start thinking of all the things I could be doing, i.e. adding to savings, looking for a small investment, giving something to my children, saving humanity and it goes on and on. Or I could just remind myself I still owe money on my credit cards, and who do I think I am spending money so foolishly. That’s called “practiced dysfunction” on a mental level. We are conditioned for so long to think a certain way that our efforts on thinking differently to get a different result are practically wasted. It reminds me of the story Deepak Chopra told years ago about fleas. How easy fleas could be trained. Apparently fleas can jump up to three feet (I’ll be glad to stand corrected if I have a flea expert reading this) and yet when put in a six inch jar with lid, they learned they could not jump higher than six inches, and when the lid was removed, their practiced dysfunction kept them inside the jar; they never jumped higher to escape.

So I’m planning to be more aware this week of where I’ve fallen into any mental practiced dysfunction. I also talk about this mindset and the choices we have in my new book, Zap! Pow! Kazam! 11 Super Powers to Change Your Career & Life (www.yoursuperheropowers.com). Let me know if you observe any interesting functionalities that change this week as you become aware of what you’re thinking. It’s a great week for changing any old mental habits!

When in France...do what?

A friend jokingly commented the other day that I flirted when I was in Paris in January, and I looked at her like she had just grown a couple of purple antenna on the top of her head. I don’t flirt! I don’t even know how to flirt!

What in the world are you talking about, I asked. Her reply, every time I attempted to use my French and speak with anyone, I started by smiling, changing my body language, giving an introduction that meant I spoke a little French and could really use their help. Unequivocally, everyone seemed to be nice, even the woman who sold tickets at the Metro. Why weren’t people in the states that nice?

Then it dawned on me (sometimes things need to hit me in the head before they “dawn on me,”) that I was a different person when in France. And if that was the case, why on earth was I behaving one way in Europe, and another way here.

If “Magic Communicating” is speaking with people in a language they relate to, and if that language needs to, in some way be empathetic or caring, then “kind” has been very under rated. For me this would mean deciding (that old word again that means we get to choose how we’re going to respond to anything) that instead of acting impatiently when I can’t get the answer I want at an airport, or annoyed when the line is too long and I finally get to the front, I act as I do in France. I pay attention to each person I am talking with; I focus on that individual and approach them with civility and a smile.

Does that mean it will take longer to talk with people today? I think with that approach conversations will go quicker and more smoothly. But the idea is simple. Pass on the “magic” of communicating with care. Our job is always to pass on what we know that someone else doesn’t, to bring them up to our understanding, and if that is done with courtesy and with a smile, how great is that.

Please consider taking a minute today and approaching someone as if you don’t speak their language and want their help. What would you do, what would you say? Passing on kindness is absolutely contagious, and in a time when people need a lift, need something to smile about, what a great thing to be able to give others!

Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear back from you.