Musings from the Magic Communicator

2009-11-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

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Practiced Dysfunction???

2009-07-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

I was doing some research on a critical thinking course I was getting ready to teach, and I came across the phrase “practiced dysfunction.” As I read more about it, it hit me that most of us fall prey to practiced dysfunction some of the time. It looks kind of like this: You go to a meeting and plan to speak up about a topic you’re quite interested in or concerned about. Meeting starts, you begin to speak, and either someone you report to or the typically loud member on your team starts to argue or cut you off or jump in and change the topic. You tell yourself, “why bother,” and remind yourself it always happens this way in this meeting at this place. You resign yourself to the misery or aggravation, and probably talk yourself out of speaking out at the next meeting (unless you’re a masochist that is). You are practicing “practiced dysfunction.” We create such strong habitual thinking that we never try to get out of this particular mind trap; we always behave the same way when the same set of circumstances occur.

Another example: Let’s say I received a bonus or unexpected income or something that should make me feel flush, ready to spend some money and stimulate the economy. Only when I actually start to spend something (and I’m sure I must truly deserve whatever I’m getting ready to buy) I start thinking of all the things I could be doing, i.e. adding to savings, looking for a small investment, giving something to my children, saving humanity and it goes on and on. Or I could just remind myself I still owe money on my credit cards, and who do I think I am spending money so foolishly. That’s called “practiced dysfunction” on a mental level. We are conditioned for so long to think a certain way that our efforts on thinking differently to get a different result are practically wasted. It reminds me of the story Deepak Chopra told years ago about fleas. How easy fleas could be trained. Apparently fleas can jump up to three feet (I’ll be glad to stand corrected if I have a flea expert reading this) and yet when put in a six inch jar with lid, they learned they could not jump higher than six inches, and when the lid was removed, their practiced dysfunction kept them inside the jar; they never jumped higher to escape.

So I’m planning to be more aware this week of where I’ve fallen into any mental practiced dysfunction. I also talk about this mindset and the choices we have in my new book, Zap! Pow! Kazam! 11 Super Powers to Change Your Career & Life (www.yoursuperheropowers.com). Let me know if you observe any interesting functionalities that change this week as you become aware of what you’re thinking. It’s a great week for changing any old mental habits!

When in France...do what?

2009-07-23T06:36:00.001-07:00

A friend jokingly commented the other day that I flirted when I was in Paris in January, and I looked at her like she had just grown a couple of purple antenna on the top of her head. I don’t flirt! I don’t even know how to flirt!

What in the world are you talking about, I asked. Her reply, every time I attempted to use my French and speak with anyone, I started by smiling, changing my body language, giving an introduction that meant I spoke a little French and could really use their help. Unequivocally, everyone seemed to be nice, even the woman who sold tickets at the Metro. Why weren’t people in the states that nice?

Then it dawned on me (sometimes things need to hit me in the head before they “dawn on me,”) that I was a different person when in France. And if that was the case, why on earth was I behaving one way in Europe, and another way here.

If “Magic Communicating” is speaking with people in a language they relate to, and if that language needs to, in some way be empathetic or caring, then “kind” has been very under rated. For me this would mean deciding (that old word again that means we get to choose how we’re going to respond to anything) that instead of acting impatiently when I can’t get the answer I want at an airport, or annoyed when the line is too long and I finally get to the front, I act as I do in France. I pay attention to each person I am talking with; I focus on that individual and approach them with civility and a smile.

Does that mean it will take longer to talk with people today? I think with that approach conversations will go quicker and more smoothly. But the idea is simple. Pass on the “magic” of communicating with care. Our job is always to pass on what we know that someone else doesn’t, to bring them up to our understanding, and if that is done with courtesy and with a smile, how great is that.

Please consider taking a minute today and approaching someone as if you don’t speak their language and want their help. What would you do, what would you say? Passing on kindness is absolutely contagious, and in a time when people need a lift, need something to smile about, what a great thing to be able to give others!

Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear back from you.

Are you hearing voices?

2009-02-25T14:24:00.000-08:00

Do you wake up in the morning and hear voices? Not the type you might be thinking I'm referring to, but voices just the same. They're the voices of people who have made an impression on us in some way, and we are still hearing, still remembering and acting on things they said.

I'm leaving in a few minutes to give a speech on these voices, and it made me think of just how prevalent they often still are in our lives, and how much they can get in the way.

For example, have you ever thought of changing your business and doing something different, or changing strategies within your business, and someone told you that your idea was a foolish one, especially with the current economy? Perhaps this persono reminded you that you aren't as well qualified, or over qualified, or too old, or too young, to pursue what you were thinking of doing.

I call these voices, from well-meaning people most of the time, the Monster Lies that we buy into that can wreak havoc on our lives. So often when we listen to these voices, in the name of reason or common sense or logic, it stops us from living our dreams and creating what we want in the world.

Let me give you a couple of examples. One voice, one Monster Lie, is Experteaser. This is the voice who says we must listen to the experts; God forbid we listen to our own wisdom and innate understanding of a situation. Instead we must ALWAYS listen to someone with more authority or rank or title or education, the experts must know more. A personal story here, my son had slight brain damage when he was a baby due to a high fever. He had many learning disabilities including dyslexia and when he was 10 years old I took him to a neurologist who ran a series of tests on my son and told me to send him to a nice vocational school, that he wasn't smart enough to make it to college.

I remember thinking this doctor had no idea what my son and I could do together to help him learn, and I decided then and there to wait as long as I could possibly wait to tell my son he wasn't smart enough for college. When did I finally tll him? After he had graduated with a 4.0 grade average, getting his master's degree in forensic science, and he had gotten a scholarship and studied in Oxford. Can you imagine what could have been different in his life if I had listened to the "expert?"

There are many monster lies, many beliefs that stop us from succeeding; I'll mention more on another day. But one other worth mentioning right now, because it's just so bad, is Sandman. This is the voice you hear that says it's not your fault, you can't do any better, just give up and go to sleep on your life and your dreams, you have permission. And so many people, unfortunately, listen to this voice. They decide they're too old or too young or in some way not qualified to really live their dreams, and they give up, put their heads in the sand. There is a saying that people die in their 20's, they just wait until their 80's to be buried!

Let's not go to sleep on our lives. Let's decide there are voices from our past that will remind us we screwed up along the way or we weren't smart enough or talented enough at one time. BUT, and what a delicious "but," the past does not equal the present or future, and the only way we will make change is to silence the voices and start listening to our own instincts, our beliefs in our own abilities.

And when you start to do something right and you hear a voice reminding you that it won't last, who do you think you are anyway, or any such nonsense, then acknowledge it's just a voice, just words, just someone's belief, but not your reality. What a relief it is to stop listening to what everyone else believes you must do or not do with your life. Enjoy the silence!

Secret to Happiness?

2009-02-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

Who wouldn't pay a great deal of money to get the REAL secret to happiness? Of course the answer might lie in that old line actor Jack Palance said to Billy Crystal in City Slickers, "it's different for everyone."

But one ingredient of happinss is a given; the more we find ways to give away what we've got, the more fulfilled, successful, healthy and down right happy we typically become. Sarah Bernhardt said it is by spending ourselves that we will be rich, and in a time that people typically think scarcity (because in their minds there just isn't enough to share), then this mindset of generosity is even more important.

How easy it is to believe there is only doom and gloom on the horizon, no matter how optimistic we might otherwise be. And that mentality is like a bad case of the flu, very contagious. But sharing, giving of oneself is also contagious. And the more we give, the more we spread the word that there are so many ways to fulfill our needs. There is an enormous difference in wearing the rose colored glasses of denial, and in realizing that times might be tough, but that's when (as the old saying goes) the tough get going, think of new strategies, ideas, directions, and support others in the process.

As an example, two different colleagues have told me about business aquaintances who have more business than they can handle. "How can that be," I asked, considering the times we're living in. Both answers were the same; somehow these two people just seemed to make it happen. And one of the two I know; she is willing to share her ideas, her time, her expertise. Obviously her generosity is coming back to her in a variety of ways.

Giving away our wisdom, knowledge, talents and experience to support others is a wonderful way to replenish ourselves, make contacts, and keep our focus on all that we have After all, we can't give it away unless we have it first, right?

We're all so busy, but if you can spare five minutes today to share your talents or help someone else to shine, it can become addictive! We always lead by making others powerful, and the more we encourage others’ successes, the more we create a model for abundance. Of course it feels pretty good too!

Have a wonderful week.

Scattering Joy?

2009-02-09T18:01:00.000-08:00

This morning I read the words "scattering joy" in an article, and it reminded me of just how often all of us educated, knowledgable people (who know better) spend a big part of our days scattering anything but joy. Yes, there's a lot going on right now that is frustrating; our time is taken up in putting out fires, motivating the unmotivated and perhaps just surviving. But absolutely all of us get to choose how we're going to think as we go through our day. One of my favorite books, "Man's Search for Meaning," the story of a Jewish psychiatrist in a German concentration camp, taught me that there is no such thing as having no choice. The author (Viktor Frankl) observed that every day the prisoners got to decide if they would keep on living, or just give up. Some just chose not to go on any more. Others chose to do whatever it took to stay alive and find their missing relatives. The only difference was their attitude.

So we get to choose today where we find joy, and how we can scatter it around to those whose concentration or concerns are just too great for them to scatter any happiness whatsoever. We know people always learn from watching how we respond to things, so if we can scatter a bit of joy , it can certainly have a ripple effect.

In the next book I have coming out on human potential I tell the story of Dave. One day I was rushing from the airport to make a meeting and discovered I had a tire with almost no air. Driving at breakneck speed to the filling station, I discovered ( to my embarrssment) I couldn't figure out how to make the air pump work, and a fellow named Dave who was working on the awning got down when I called up for help. He said you had to add money to operate the pump, but that I had a bigger problem, my tire wasn't low, it was flat. I asked if I could pay to have him change it, which he did, adding (and paying for) air to the spare. When he was all finished I offered him a $20, wondering if I was being too cheap. He turned to me and said "no way, pass it on."

So I did, and I am. He made the rest of my day, he scattered a little much-needed joy.

Look for where you can do the same. It's surprising how good it feels to add a little bit here and there.

All Those Little White Lies!

2009-02-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

I read somewhere the other day that the average person tells 21 white lies a day. Not the big bad kind but the somewhat harmless ones where you fibbed about being on a conference call so you couldn't meet a friend for lunch, or your kind response to a friend who asks how she looks in a dress. Maybe these lies aren't the best to be telling, but the little white lies in the title of this blog refer to something else entirely.

How often do we tell ourselves to be realistic, grow up, face the music, realize we're in a tough time and we have to settle? Author Richard Bach (who wrote that wonderful little story, Jonathan Livingston Seagull) said if we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them. And when we get frightened, discouraged or just stop to listen to others, we tend to argue with ourselvs about all the things we can't do. We are the most influential people we'll listen to anytime during the day, but what are we saying?

I was thinking of this the other day when something negative happened to me and I started to reflect on how bad things were going to get, how tough things were going to be, and I reminded myself I had better start being more careful with money, times were tough. Then I realized that type of scarcity thinking used to get me to exactly one place, a frightened mind set where I didn't want to be. Since thoughts take the path of least resistance, and we control our thoughts, it would seem like a no-brainer to focus on what we want to happen, and give it a nudge by getting in the habit of always expecting a positive outcome.

Of course stuff happens, and it will continue to happen. But when we expect there will be something good that will come out of every encounter, then we start to create a self fullfilling prophecy, the kind we want.

Magic, after all, is all illusion, smoke and mirrors (or with some of my magic it's just the way things are being held or cut or shown). But when we start buying into the beliefs that creep into our minds when we're tired or frustrated or overworked, we need to remind ourselves these too are illusions; they aren't necessarily real, they just seem that way because we are allowing emotion to take over. In fact the wonderful author Wayne Dyer once gave this acronym for fear: False Expectations Appearing Real.

There are many things we don't have control over in this life, but we do have control over what we choose to listen to, to let in, so to speak. So for the next few days why not start to watch those little lies that can sneak in when we're least expecting them. Refuse to buy into them. Instead work on creating a habit of imagining a postive outcome no matter what is going on; expect something good to happen. We live up or down to our expectations, so we might as well start to expect something positive!

Thanks for stopping by. I would love to hear of any experiences where your choice, your determination to believe in the positive in a situation really turned something around.